Back home

Well, I suppose it's time for a post, before I lose all of the initial feelings of disorientation and confusion that come from reentering my own world. I am officially back in the United States of America.

The last week in Honduras was beautiful, if heartbreaking. There was a ton of dancing and singing karaoke at our favorite establishments. There were dinner parties, a kindergarten graduation, several despedidas (goodbye parties), and a motorcycle adventure with Noel to his family's home in Zopolotepe. I barely slept, trying to maximize the days and absorb all of the love and beauty around me. I cried. Everyone cried. In the end, Henry, Allison and Jess made half of the San Pedro Sula airport trip with me and then Noel and I continued together the rest of the way. I have never been so sad to say goodbye to a home, to a community of people. It is an experience that can never happen again, an adventure completed. And, here, listening to Juanes, Mana, Aventura, Wisin and Yandel- the soundtrack of Honduras- I'm overcome with the feeling that I want to be back there, living those same moments, making new moments. Everything here feels strange. Little details of life that were so normal to me before now feel odd, out of place, even ridiculous.

Still, I adjust: "Colleen, here is your salad for dinner." (Just salad?) "Put your plate in the dishwasher." (Dishwasher?) "What are your plans for the day?" (Why do I need plans or a schedule?) There are friends calling, checking their daytimers for specific hours to come visit. The silence- there's too much quiet in this world! Where are the barking dogs, the loud music, the fireworks, the roosters? Everything is so orderly, too orderly. As a passenger in the car, I'm impatient waiting on stoplights. Why can't we just go? There are too many food choices and I realize that I don't like mozzerala cheese half as much as I like queso. How many days can one go without a real interaction with neighbors? How I long to walk the streets of Juticalpa, waving to the people of my barrio, saludando the world with adios's. How I long to speak Spanish! All of this is gone and here I begin anew.

I've talked to Noel and Wendy and hear the sadness in their voices. I've chatted online with friends and realize that my absence from their lives is just as strong as their absence from mine. Wendy, Ena and Santa are walking around Juticalpa in a new wardrobe of Colleen's clothes. Noel is carrying my special medallion, Annie is reading my books, my neighbors are playing with my toys. Part of Colleen remains there.

From here, I will move forward and do the things that I know how to do. I will prepare for my new job. I will go buy running shoes and kickstart the old passion. I will call friends and make a gradual reentrance into the life that was. I will continue to blog and figure out a way that I can continue my story. Beginning now, this is what I will do. Little Gringa, welcome back to North America.